Posted at dawn.

Posted by jepoyzter under Random Post

Hi, it’s been quite a while since my really last blog post. Blog post, meaning me really talking.

It’s dawn around 5:15 AM and I just woke up 2 hours ago. I was trying to go back to sleep, but I can’t. It’s been like my sleep trend over the past 3 weeks or I rather say since the year started. I also lose weight over the span of a month. I just checked and I am 10 pounds lighter. I don’t know if its good news or bad, but I am a little bit concerned with myself over these past few months. I am concerned with health (which is I always neglect), career, and my well-being.

Eversince last year, I quite felt a little bit lost. Work is really starting to bore me. I know lots of us feel this way. Sick and tired of the usual routine, and looking for more adventurous experience to improve ourself. Not just being tied on your desk, stare at your monitor and just wait for something pop-up on your email asking for request jobs. So I started to be more busy when work at the office is starting to slow down. Took some freelance jobs. Which is I thought is really exciting. Though I really enjoyed doing freelance it at some point coz I make money out of it than what I earn from my real work. Now I am having problem dealing with the pile of work from office and at the same time my part-time job (which is really I consider as my prime job). Sometimes my mind just wanna throw up.

Another thing I am dealing with is depression. I know I don’t look like depressed. But I feel it always, specially when I am alone in my room (like now). When I wake up in the middle of the night just trying to get back to sleep and mind started to wander off. I kinda felt all alone. I starting to doubt people around me, are they really friends or not? And I know it’s not a good attitude. But thats how I feel much lately. My social life is at the edge. Most of my friends here in Taiwan already left and some are leaving soon. I am now learning to be a man in an island and trying to survive. How long can I last?

I am quite having hard time dealing with all of this lately. I might be needing a psychiatrist.

I have so many plans for this year. Theres this one that I am really trying to accomplish for the longest time, and could be a turning point for me. A rest period to take myself out of this stressful and depressing environment. A time to explore what I do best and what more is in-store for me. I am optimistic about it. I know that I can do it.

At last a piece is already out of my chest. I was trying to blog about it way back in December when I started being serious with writing and posting on this site. But there is something that is holding me back. If you can just look at my Wordpress CMS. I have tons of articles in drafts. Most are about my experiences that I didn’t started of finished writing. I had this trouble of expressing myself in writings and I am not confident with my writing skills. I have to work it out. But thanks for reading and the comments. I think I can now start writing like this. Thanks.